


The Elephant in the Room

by twhirlpool



Series: OMG Check Please vs. the Hockey Media [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Hockey Media, brief discussion of DV in the end notes, put my son eric in the nhl or so help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 03:52:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17501027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twhirlpool/pseuds/twhirlpool
Summary: Steve Dangle talks about the (itty bitty) elephant in the room.





	The Elephant in the Room

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. So technically Bitty is too old to be drafted according to the NHL draft rules (you have to be 18-19 years old, 18-20 if you’re not from North America). But I’m making this Check Please rules where Jack could still play NCAA after playing in the Q and Bitty is still eligible to be drafted.
> 
> 2\. Kind of lucky that the Penguins won back-to-back cups in the real world. So they’ve lost the 2016 Cup to the Falconers (technically they lost somewhere in the previous rounds), but they get to keep their 2017 Cup, and I still get to say that PHIL KESSEL IS A STANLEY CUP CHAMPION. And because I can’t deny Chowder getting to see the Sharks in the final, just postpone the 2016 final to 2017. 
> 
> 3\. Hi Steve.

So now that the dust has settled, the playoffs are over and, oh yeah, PHIL KESSEL IS A STANLEY CUP CHAMPION, we can start talking about what comes next.

The Draft.

There isn’t a clear number one pick for this year’s draft, unlike last year’s-

_Auston MAT-thews, Auston MAT-thews. ___

____

__

-but there is a consensus top tier. 

And of course there are all the lists. RealSports, TSN, Central Scouting, ranking the top so many prospects by country, region, position, whatever.

But there is one glaring omission from every single list I’ve read.

Eric Bittle.

Some of you are saying "Steve what are you talking about?"

Or maybe even "who is Eric Bittle?"

Eric Bittle is one hell of a hockey player.

What makes him so good?  
Let’s start with where he is now.

Bittle was the captain of the Samwell Mens’ Hockey Team this past season, and led them to their first Frozen Four title. He was second on the team in scoring behind sophomore Connor Whisk, a Flames prospect drafted in 2015.

Okay, so he’s the captain of a NCAA hockey team, and one that’s really good. What’s the big deal?

The big deal? The big deal is that Eric BIttle didn’t start playing hockey until he was 15. 

The big deal is that until he was fifteen, Eric Bittle was a competitive figure skater. And when he could no longer do that, he joined his high school’s hockey team. By the way, his high school is in GEORGIA.

Not the country, that would make sense. The STATE.

We make a big deal of “Oh Auston Matthews, he came out of a place where there isn’t even ice. What a great story,” but Matthews was still playing hockey before he started elementary school. Eric Bittle didn’t get a pair of hockey skates until he was halfway through high school.

And then, the league he’s playing in, in Georgia, it's technically not even his high school team. His high school doesn’t have a hockey team. He’s playing in a co-ed non-contact REC LEAGUE.

The big deal is that with his only hockey experience being TWO YEARS in a co-ed non-contact high school rec league, he gets a *scholarship* to play hockey. To play NCAA Division I hockey. 

Do you know how good you have to be to play college hockey? Especially Division I? I know we like to crap on those guys like they couldn't make it in Juniors, but a) a lot of them did, and b) it's a really hard league. And you get a scholarship to play hockey after only doing it for TWO YEARS?

Imagine how amazing he would have been if he'd been doing training since he was little, like Marner or all the other Canadian kids.

Within six months of his first year at Samwell, he was playing on the first line with, um, this guy you might have heard of, JACK ZIMMERMANN.

Then at the end of his first year he got a concussion that knocked him out cold and out of the rest of the season.

He can’t skate for the entire summer, and when he gets back, he’s not quite the same. He’s not on the first line with Zimmermann anymore and it takes him quite a while to return to form.

But he does. And he’s back on Zimmermann’s wing and Samwell goes on this crazy miracle run through the ECAC tournament and to the Frozen Four.

As you know, that year they lose by one goal in the final.

And then, Jack Zimmermann graduates. And he signs with the Falconers. He’s not on the Samwell team anymore.

What does Eric Bittle do?

I tell you what Eric Bittle does, he stays on the first line. Because he is a damn good hockey player.

Samwell gets knock out of the ECAC tournament early. People who follow NCAA tell me that their defense was pretty solid, but beyond Bittle and Whisk, they weren’t able to score much.

And at the end of the season, Eric Bittle is voted as captain for the next year.

Unanimously.

And he leads this team to their first NCAA Frozen Four championship.

Bsaed on this alone, he should at least be on people’s radars. On *someone’s* list. But he isn’t. Why?

For those of you who started the video thinking “I’ve never heard of Eric BIttle!” and still haven’t figured it out, let me tell you something: you’ve definitely heard of Eric Bittle. He’s this guy:

[picture of center ice after the 2016 Stanley Cup Final]

Jack Zimmermann’s boyfriend.

Oh now do you notice the elephant in the room.

There are legitimate hockey reasons to not draft this kid, and the main one is gonna be his size. He’s listed at 5’7”, 145 lbs. And to be honest, that seems a little inflated. He’s not very physical, again probably as a result of his size.

But his pluses? Let me read you a list from my good friend Nate who follows NCAA hockey, specifically the ECAC.

“Consistently the fastest person on the ice, soft hands, incredible vision for seeing plays develop on the ice, always one of the best skaters on the ice-“ that’s probably the figure skating.

This one’s my favorite: “His spinoramas to avoid checks are the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. So many players just miss when they try to check him and end up into the boards. By the end of the game they become too afraid to try.”

Here’s the thing about Eric BIttle: he deserves a chance.

There are seven rounds in the draft. With 34 teams, that gives us 238 picks. Two hundred and thirty-eight chances, for Eric Bittle to be drafted. I’m not saying “ First round!” or even second. But there are 170 picks after the first two rounds.

There are plenty of terrible teams that need a playmaker like this. Someone who can give some spark of offense, skill, creativity. Think of a team like the Sabres, the Aeros, the Devils, the Oilers, can you imagine this kid on McDavid's wing? [high-pitched squeak]

And even if it isn’t for next year, what team doesn’t need young, cheap skill? Bittle would be a great addition to any prospect pool. Heck there are plenty of players who make careers in the AHL. And they’re valuable parts of their NHL organization. You’ve seen how much I praise Rich Clune and Andrew Campbell; they helped William Nylander and Connor Brown get to the Leafs.

Why not? That’s the ultimate question isn’t it? Why not?

Oh let me guess: *the locker room*.

I’ve never been in an NHL locker room. Or any hockey locker room for that matter. 

But I’m watching Randy Carlyle and Marc Bergevin and all those trusted NHL hockey men talk until they turn into freaking Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka about “the locker room” and how “important” the locker room is. That’s where championships are won, you know?

What an awful thing to say about your own players. That they would be so thrown off by an openly gay guy in the locker room that they’d lose games? And you can’t take that risk?

Let me tell you, if having a gay guy in your locker room is making you lose *games*, you’ve got bigger problems!

And I don’t even believe that’s true. I said last year, the odds of Jack Zimmermann being the only gay, or as I know now bi, player in the league are minuscule. There are locker rooms with gay players ALREADY. And chances are at least some of their teammates know. Maybe not all of them, and almost certainly not management from the way these guys act, but definitely some of them. 

There are some cases where a bad influence in the locker room is a big deal. This is not one of those cases. 

Two-hundred and thirty-eight chances for any team to take a chance on Eric Bittle.

And if he doesn’t get one of those chances…...I don’t wanna say it. But maybe the league needs to take a long hard look at itself.

Because in a league where Slava Voynov might get a comeback, where Ryan O’Reilly gets nominated for the Masterton, how can Eric Bittle be denied a *first* chance?

Because he’s gay?

That’s not right.

And we as fans should be demanding the league and OUR teams to do better. Be better.

**Author's Note:**

> Pinned comment by Steve on the video: No I did not make this video because he sent me a pie. But by the way, that’s another reason why teams should draft him: unlimited pie.
> 
> Things Adam, Jesse, and Steve talk about on the podcast:  
> • “There are teams interested in Slava Voynov. SLAVA VOYNOV. The guy who beat his wife so badly he got kicked out of the country.” “Do you know hard it is to get a domestic abuse conviction in the States? And here of course, let’s not pretend we’re all smiles and roses.” “And apparently, even if the US lets him come back, Canada probably won’t. So teams are interested in a guy who is a CONVICTED domestic abuser, who might not be able to even GO to half the games, let alone PLAY, and they’re not gonna look at Eric Bittle because he’s GAY?! What kind of small-minded backwards bullshit is that?!”  
> • “Are we gonna talk about Ryan O’Reilly being nominated for the Masterton by the Buffalo Sabres? Or did we cover all the bases last time?” “I just think, that that’s the most Canadian thing, to ever happen. He drunk drove his truck into a Tim Horton’s.”  
> • “They’re throwing their players under the bus, and they’re throwing their fans under the bus. Acting like they can’t draft a gay players because the locker room would be messed up or the fans wouldn’t like it: bullSHIT. They don’t want to do it because they’re all old white heterosexual men who can’t play hockey anymore. And they’re homophobic. And their ‘manliness’ is being threatened by the young whippersnapper who’s better at hockey than them and isn’t afraid to be himself even if it doesn’t fit with what manly macho hockey culture usually is.”  
> Also, if you want to hear a QUALITY discussion on what hockey culture is, start at 1:19:55 on the Steve Dangle Podcast episode “Ryan”, from November 23, 2018. They start with Brian Burke’s curmudgeonly comments on the Carolina Hurricanes new thing of having a fun group celebration at center ice after every home win and…it goes from there (until 1:29:11)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Elephant in the Room (podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17579627) by [ToughPaperRound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/pseuds/ToughPaperRound)




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